The London 2012 organisers are begging us to get out nominations for Olympic torch bearers in before the June 29 deadline, so we thought it was our duty to get involved.

Here are five people we would like to see taking part in the relay:

1. Fred Talbot
The ex-This Morning weatherman always made whistle-stop tours of the British Isles taking in all the key sites look pretty damn easy. We say just give him the torch, a daytime TV slot and let him do what he does best.

2. Heather Mills
Well accustomed to taking a chunk of gold from a national icon and doing one. Arguably the perfect torch bearer candidate.

3. Alex James
The Blur bassist is probably Britain’s best-known celebrity cheesemaker. Who better then to take the golden cheese grater around the country? If James is unavailable we will have to settle for Mr Strings, of Cheestrings fame.

4. Derren Brown
According to the 2012 website we ought to nominate someone who “has inspired you to do something you never thought possible?”. That’s what he does for a living, right? Perhaps even more impressively, he used to inspire me to watch him do it. But right now I think it’s possible, nay highly likely, that I will never be inspired to watch another Derren Brown TV show again.

5. Smithy
National event? Check. Sporting connections? Check. Potential for hilarious YouTube footage? Check. We’re afraid James Corden’s character is contractually obliged to dust off the tracksuit top and do his bit.